Authenticity
Why fit in when you were born to stand out- In the best way possible
Being you (the hundred percent, slightly cooky version of yourself) isn't easy as we've learned over and over again. It can take ages for us to find our tribe, whether that's in our work life, social life or any sphere we put ourselves in. It can be difficult to find commonality with your peers, but throw in the fact that you're a Hijabi, that challenge just became Mount Everest.
This month, I started a new job and I can't explain how challenging I've found it. This is my third time being the awkward newbie in a workplace, where there are few people of colour and even fewer Muslims. The trauma of being the odd one out again hit me like the many walls I've walked into.
The other morning, before work, I was sitting journaling in my car and I had the Monday morning scaries- I wrote down, I'm going to be less Haleema, I'm going to be less peppy, less enthusiastic, less materialistic and I'm going to try and fit in. I was going to hide my Glossier water bottle and my pink desk mug and I was going to blend into the background as much as possible. As I came to the end of my thought stream, and realised what I had written, I crossed out the entire paragraph. I couldn't possibly hide who I am. I can't hide the fact that I'm a Hijab wearing journalist, who has somehow come this far to making her dreams a reality. There's a voice in my head that tells me that I already stick out, why push it further with my quirky personality and ideas that no one's going to relate to.
In every episode of the Hijabi Culture podcast and with every Hijabi I've ever spoken with on a deeper level, we all say how empowering it is to be able to wear Hijab. We're all proud that we represent Islam in our workplace and the spaces we take up. So why are we scared of being our authentic self in these same spaces? Why do we try and hide?
Every time I've left a job, I've left behind amazing colleagues who I've turned into lifelong friends. They all accepted me, the quirky Haleema, whose water bottle is half her personality, her tenacity, passion and weird relationship with random celebrities. And the crazy thing is, they probably don't even factor my Hijab into my identity.
Sometimes, I overthink it, I overthink how people are going to perceive me, how will anybody ever relate to me- I'm already the odd one out, wearing a Hijab makes me stand out even more' but I have to remind the voice in my head that my scarf isn't something new to my identity- I've been wearing it since I was 8 (Alhamdullilah) and I've navigated every situation as a Hijabi; I can handle anything. I'm stronger than I give myself credit for and so are you.
If you ever find yourself doubting your Hijab, if you feel like it's the tipping point between people accepting you and leaving you on the outside, remember all those people who liked you for you.
Don't give up and make excuses, thinking taking your Hijab off will make life easier. We wear it for Allah, the one who is in charge of our rizq, so how can we ever lose out, if we're doing this to please him- surely we're going to be blessed with more.
Be authentic, be the most 'you' you can ever be, wear the lime green scarf and neon pink skirt, and show the world that your Hijab is part of your identity, but it's not all of you.